change starts from you as an individual,more often than not we accuse other of what we are most guilty of.
when i got a mail asking me to do a write-up on any topic of my chioce relating to marriage, hmmm ......a deep sigh was all i could respond with,because at the time i had too many clients/people around with me with marital issues,so i prayed soliciting for help from the holy spirit,who is my help and support at all time, then! like a bang!!!a title came and it was "you are to be blamed,if your marriage isnt working"
first,what is marriage?
marriage is the legal union of a man and a woman in order to live together and often to have children, that is as defined by the OXFORD CONCISE DICTIONARY. On google you will find so many definition but what i am interested in is the biblical definition which says in Genesis 2vs 24 "therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh"
meaning marriage is a union of two mature minds of the opposite sex,the coming together of two people who are ready ripe enough to know what is right and do what is right in order to stay together to procreate,fulfilling God's given mission till death do them part.
ecclesiastes 4:9 says "two are better than one,because they have a good reward for their labour" when a man and a woman get married (cleave as one) they are expected to have entered a better way of living. the man becomes the head of the home,he caters for the woman,covers and protects her,loves her and cherishes every bit of who she is,on the other hand,the woman becomes the man's helpmeet,managing the home and all the material things the man brings in,she multiplies the man's seeds and brings forth chilren,she submits to him and they both work together putting in their strength,money,time,prayer etc,to ensure that their home is built successfully.
Therefore,if all the above are clearly stated by the bible which is our manual from our creator,then,what is the problem with most marriages today?
Due to civilization and western culture,the woman craves equal right with her husband,she wants to work ,earn money but not pay bills,if possible earn more than her husband, she wants her husband toclean up the table after eating,she wants the man to submit to her instead of obeying what the bible has instructed,how funny women have become, yes! she has right and is not a slave and must be treated as such, and the man on the otherhand is fighting hard as not to be overshadowed by his wife,therefore creating unhealthy competition in the home, now! the woman is no longer able to combine both roles, the role of a wife and a career woman, she begins to demand domestic assistance from the man,who most times feels too big or maybe too lazy to handle domestic matters/issues and before you know it, its nagging,quarrelling,malice and anger everyday in such a home,where peace is supposed to be the order of the day.
If your marriage isn't working,search yourself (as an individual) and take note of things that are genuinely your duty,that you have been neglecting due to official workload and exhuastion from work stress,and begin to do them again.
ask yourself these questions and answer them sincerely,what does marriage mean to me? what type of marriage would make me happy?what can i add or subtract from my marriage to make it my ideal marriage? once you are able to answer all these questions,take the blame and begin to initiate the changes you want through your actions eg if you are the wife, and has been playing the husband consciously or unconsciously,go back to back to our possition as a wife and let your husband be the head. Are you the man and due to certain factors beyond your control,you have lost your position as the head of the home,cry to God,ask Him to reinstate you,genuinely seek for or create something legit,productive to do,get busy, lead your woman and make her believe in you again,like you did before she accepted to say "YES I DO"
FOR YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK,WORK ON YOUR ATTITUDE AND PRATICE THE FOLLOWING AS A WIFE.
Prayer: commit your home/husband to God
Humility: recognise your limitations and depend on God's ability to compensate for them.
Teachability: willingness to make positive change anytime you err.
Submission: honour your husband's word in all you do (1Peter3:1-6)
Compassion: you need to be able to feel the hurt of your husband,don't be stubborn and hardened.
Patience:this is indeed a virtue (ask God to increase this in you daily, i do ask for this on daily basis)I call it the ability to see good/advantages in every moment and situation that presents itself to me.
Generosity: be kind to your husband.
Be frugal: don't waste money
Diligence:support your husband/have the ability to make thing happen.
Enthusiasm:ability to stay excited over your husband at all time.
Dedication: ability to care,stay concerned and then show your feelings to your husband.
GUIDELINES FOR THE HUSBANDS
Love your wife, even as christ loves the church.(1peter3vs7)
Be your wife's hero, lead her at all time.(remember you are the head)
Provide for your family/wife financially,materially,spiritually etc.
Help her out with taking care of the kids/ home, she is your wife not your slave.
Be patient with her.
Correct her mistakes with love and respect.
Honour your wife and update her on your plans.
Be prayerful.
Stay faithful and dedicated.
smile!!!
In conclusion
Marriage is good,it is precious by God's design,but know it, that God works in collaboration with His children to establish His will on earth/homes, any marriage outside christ cannot escape difficultiesand troubles.Little wonder,married unbelivers see themselves as trapped.If you are not born again, do so now, by accepting the Lord as your personal Lord and savour! invite Him into your life and your marriage by saying" oh Lord, I accept that i am a sinner,and can not help myself, have mercy on me/my marriage,forgive my sins,wash me with your blood and help me find my way in you through Jesus christ" in Jesus mighty name .Amen.
when i got a mail asking me to do a write-up on any topic of my chioce relating to marriage, hmmm ......a deep sigh was all i could respond with,because at the time i had too many clients/people around with me with marital issues,so i prayed soliciting for help from the holy spirit,who is my help and support at all time, then! like a bang!!!a title came and it was "you are to be blamed,if your marriage isnt working"
first,what is marriage?
marriage is the legal union of a man and a woman in order to live together and often to have children, that is as defined by the OXFORD CONCISE DICTIONARY. On google you will find so many definition but what i am interested in is the biblical definition which says in Genesis 2vs 24 "therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh"
meaning marriage is a union of two mature minds of the opposite sex,the coming together of two people who are ready ripe enough to know what is right and do what is right in order to stay together to procreate,fulfilling God's given mission till death do them part.
ecclesiastes 4:9 says "two are better than one,because they have a good reward for their labour" when a man and a woman get married (cleave as one) they are expected to have entered a better way of living. the man becomes the head of the home,he caters for the woman,covers and protects her,loves her and cherishes every bit of who she is,on the other hand,the woman becomes the man's helpmeet,managing the home and all the material things the man brings in,she multiplies the man's seeds and brings forth chilren,she submits to him and they both work together putting in their strength,money,time,prayer etc,to ensure that their home is built successfully.
Therefore,if all the above are clearly stated by the bible which is our manual from our creator,then,what is the problem with most marriages today?
Due to civilization and western culture,the woman craves equal right with her husband,she wants to work ,earn money but not pay bills,if possible earn more than her husband, she wants her husband toclean up the table after eating,she wants the man to submit to her instead of obeying what the bible has instructed,how funny women have become, yes! she has right and is not a slave and must be treated as such, and the man on the otherhand is fighting hard as not to be overshadowed by his wife,therefore creating unhealthy competition in the home, now! the woman is no longer able to combine both roles, the role of a wife and a career woman, she begins to demand domestic assistance from the man,who most times feels too big or maybe too lazy to handle domestic matters/issues and before you know it, its nagging,quarrelling,malice and anger everyday in such a home,where peace is supposed to be the order of the day.
If your marriage isn't working,search yourself (as an individual) and take note of things that are genuinely your duty,that you have been neglecting due to official workload and exhuastion from work stress,and begin to do them again.
ask yourself these questions and answer them sincerely,what does marriage mean to me? what type of marriage would make me happy?what can i add or subtract from my marriage to make it my ideal marriage? once you are able to answer all these questions,take the blame and begin to initiate the changes you want through your actions eg if you are the wife, and has been playing the husband consciously or unconsciously,go back to back to our possition as a wife and let your husband be the head. Are you the man and due to certain factors beyond your control,you have lost your position as the head of the home,cry to God,ask Him to reinstate you,genuinely seek for or create something legit,productive to do,get busy, lead your woman and make her believe in you again,like you did before she accepted to say "YES I DO"
FOR YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK,WORK ON YOUR ATTITUDE AND PRATICE THE FOLLOWING AS A WIFE.
Prayer: commit your home/husband to God
Humility: recognise your limitations and depend on God's ability to compensate for them.
Teachability: willingness to make positive change anytime you err.
Submission: honour your husband's word in all you do (1Peter3:1-6)
Compassion: you need to be able to feel the hurt of your husband,don't be stubborn and hardened.
Patience:this is indeed a virtue (ask God to increase this in you daily, i do ask for this on daily basis)I call it the ability to see good/advantages in every moment and situation that presents itself to me.
Generosity: be kind to your husband.
Be frugal: don't waste money
Diligence:support your husband/have the ability to make thing happen.
Enthusiasm:ability to stay excited over your husband at all time.
Dedication: ability to care,stay concerned and then show your feelings to your husband.
GUIDELINES FOR THE HUSBANDS
Love your wife, even as christ loves the church.(1peter3vs7)
Be your wife's hero, lead her at all time.(remember you are the head)
Provide for your family/wife financially,materially,spiritually etc.
Help her out with taking care of the kids/ home, she is your wife not your slave.
Be patient with her.
Correct her mistakes with love and respect.
Honour your wife and update her on your plans.
Be prayerful.
Stay faithful and dedicated.
smile!!!
In conclusion
Marriage is good,it is precious by God's design,but know it, that God works in collaboration with His children to establish His will on earth/homes, any marriage outside christ cannot escape difficultiesand troubles.Little wonder,married unbelivers see themselves as trapped.If you are not born again, do so now, by accepting the Lord as your personal Lord and savour! invite Him into your life and your marriage by saying" oh Lord, I accept that i am a sinner,and can not help myself, have mercy on me/my marriage,forgive my sins,wash me with your blood and help me find my way in you through Jesus christ" in Jesus mighty name .Amen.